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Gender Roles or True Partnership? Which is Most Important?

Updated: Nov 14, 2020

Recently, my husband and I just closed on our second and what we believe will be our forever home. We started from behind the starting line financially so this is a big deal for us! And something just hit me. When we purchased our first home 3 1/2 years ago, our credit was in repair mode so we barely qualified. Along with that, we had very very modest income. When we started the underwriting process our mortgage company mentioned that everything on our credit was good to go except for one thing....there was an old student loan account on my husband's credit that we could either address and pay off at that moment or we could proceed with the loan and just leave his name off of the mortgage and add it to the deed. Considering that we didn't have an extra $4,000 to pay it off and our apartment lease was about to end, it was in that moment where we decided together that we would move forward with the home buying process without my husband's name on the mortgage.


Most couples get frightened at what it looks like for the husband's name to not be on the mortgage. Worried about thoughts like does it make him less of a man? If this has happened to you then let me answer this for you...no it doesn't. The goal was for us to become homeowners. The goal was for us to have a home so we could expand our family. And nothing was going to stop us. Fast forward, we move into our first home and we work hard to increase our income substantially and become intentional about getting our credit in order for our next home purchase. We planned to move in six years but because of our determination and diligence we were ready to purchase again within three years. And this time, BOTH of our names are on the mortgage. So, if I had to vote for focusing on a gender role versus true partnership I'd choose partnership all day!

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